my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
