All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
