her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
