Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize