I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Shame - the story of my life.
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