She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize