Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
