So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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