Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
