We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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