I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
