my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish you could order shots online.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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