I wish I could punch you in the face.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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