before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
