i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
