she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
