Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize