Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
