is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
