i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
