Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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