Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will be naked everywhere
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
