you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's just like the Real World with babies
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
