Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
