Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
