I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
