yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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