Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do vagina's smell?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
