OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
where am i from again
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
