We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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