I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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