I think I won the penis lottery.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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