so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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