that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
false alarm, still single
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize