At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
