Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
