First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
