He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
