I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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