i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
