I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
