I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
