Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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