so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
