I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
