I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
