I'm lost and stupid without you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize