A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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