Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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