do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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