he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i came on her dog
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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