Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
where are my eyebrows?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
