At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize