i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
