Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
