I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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