Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
