I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
