Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
