fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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