somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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