Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
