Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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