Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
