New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
