She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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