Cold hands, warm shart.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
