I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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