i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
