Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
