Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
