Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
