I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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