Who did Billy Mays play for?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
