thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
