I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
