some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
